AMR Therapy | Online Video Therapy


Attachment and Relationships

Have you ever found yourself wondering why you or your partner(s) are so avoidant during difficult conversations? Well, this difficulty could be link directly to attachment style. John Bowlby developed the attachment theory while working with children in the 1950s. He observed that how children bonded was directly related to how their caregivers would react to them. The level in which the caregiver soothed or met the child’s needs, would then impact that child’s ability to feel safe and close to others. Bowlby identified 3 main forms of attachment secure, insecure anxious, and insecure avoidant. In the 1980’s researcher studied how childhood attachment styles impacted adult intimate relationships. Studies found that people who had positive bonding with their caregivers had a secure attachment style. They were able to be emotionally close, had open and honest communication with their partner and built a trusting relationship. While people that had more challenges in the child caregiver bonding would become, anxious or avoidant. Often the anxious person and avoidant person find themselves in a romantic dance of pushing and pulling.

This happens when the anxiously attached person seeks trust, closeness, validation and safety in co-dependent manner and the avoidant person is overwhelmed by true emotional intimacy, desires independence and has trouble staying in long-term relationships. This dance can go on for a long time making the members of the relationship both insecure. There is hope, a attachment styles can change. With some honest work, you and your therapist can explore how your attachment style came to be and how it has impacted relationships. You can be on your way towards a more secure self.

Related Posts

Transforming Insecurity from Childhood Trauma

Transforming Insecurity from Childhood Trauma           6 weeks ago I took a major leap of faith and joined a therapy group for women of color with a focus on childhood trauma and insecurity. I’ve been in and out of individual therapy

Read More

Housing Insecurity & Mental Health

Housing Insecurity & Mental Health           When I was entering my 2nd year of college, my parents decided to sell the home that our family lived in for 12 years. It was the longest running family residence we had in the

Read More

Understanding Gender Fluidity

Understanding Gender Fluidity Our understanding of “reality” is formed by consensus models, agreements, and traditions, but many such models contain internal contradictions or irreconcilable, opposing variables. Such a model is also seen in human sexuality, as it is still common for people to understand sexual

Read More

Peer Counseling for Queer Men with AMR Therapy

Peer Counseling for Queer Men with AMR Therapy What is peer counseling and why is it particularly important for queer men? Queer men are always operating along a behavioral and emotional spectrum: Am I different? How am I different? Why am I different? These questions

Read More

How to Handle Bad News in 3 Steps

How to Handle Bad News in 3 Steps   Whether it is through a phone call, text message, or social media, receiving unexpected bad news can come at us like a freight train.  Whether it’s a friend or family member who is sick or something

Read More